when things are taken for granted

kesel banget rasanya hari ini. jadi re-think bahwa memang tidak ada orang yang betul-betul tulus dengan diri kita selain those we are related to. the person that i thought would be the least to be like that, ternyata sama aja. too close can be sesuatu yang buruk. when we're just too close kita cenderung untuk taking things for granted with that person. hanya tidak menyangka. nyebelin banget. udah gak nyimak, insensitive lagi... sedih! kangen suasana dulu...

one of the brightest stars

One day your story will be told,
One of the lucky ones, who's made his name

One day they'll make you glorious,
Beneath the lights of your deserved fame.
And it all comes round once in life a lifetime like it always does
Everybody loves you cause you've taken a chance out on a dance to the moon, too soon

And they'll say told you so, we were the ones who saw you first of all
We always knew that you were one of the brightest stars

One day they'll tell you that you've changed

Though they're the ones who seem to stop and stare

One day you'll hope to make the grave, before the papers choose to send you there.

And it all comes round once in a lifetime like it always does,
Nobody loves you cause you've taken a chance out on a dance to the moon, too soon

And they'll say told you so, we were the ones who saw you first of all,
we always knew that you were one of the brightest stars

And they'll say told you so, we were the ones who saw you first of all,
we always knew that you were one of the brightest stars

my birthday boy

Today is Arai 2nd birthday.. Gak kerasa he's 2 yo! Selamat ulang tahun sayang :) mommy loves you..

Dear God...

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love
Hope is hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
And where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again, oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
To hold her when I'm not around,
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade...

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love
Hope is hard to find

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
To hold her when I'm not around,
When I'm much too far away
We all need the person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again...

judulnya menyesal.

awalnya sedih sekali. tapi dijalani semua seems okay. agak menyesal kenapa tidak dari dulu-dulu. coba sadarnya dari dulu. udah spog kali. he he he dueh capek menyesali diri, saatnya - bersihkan hati, jernihkan pikiran - fokuskan diri! setuju?

sabar vs emosi

Wuah. gak tidur semaleman. beberapa hari belakangan ini capek banget. ini aja baru sampe rumah jam 5 pagi. btw ada satu pasien tadi (yang ternyata seorang perawat) yang bener2 melelahkan to deal with. complain kiri kanan. ini gak bener lah. itu gak bener. gak mau diperiksa dokter cowok lah bahkan perawat cowok yg mau ambil darahnya utk diperiksa lab pun gak mau, harus perempuan. gak mau di tes ini itu dengan alasan udah pernah. entah kapan. and for the first time setelah sekian lama, rasanya emosi memuncak. mungkin sempat agak ngebentak dikit siy tadi. sekitar 1 jam lebih kubujuk dan kusuntik anti sakit baru mau tidur telentang utk diperiksa. ampyun deh. untung batas kesabaran masih tinggi. tapi ternyata betul yang ku curigai, dan memang case spt ini nyeri sekali. intra op tadi sempat menyesali diri kenapa bentak ini pasien tadi. padahal memang sakit dan she has all the rights to be the way she acted. ah seharusnya bisa lebih sabar to deal with people, semenjengkelkan apapun, sengeselin apapun. cause either way there must be reasons. *sigh* pulang ke rumah dengan badan serasa rontok but then... looking at my two angels bobo pelukan gitu. so peaceful. terharu... sabar... sabar... sabar...

semua palsu

malas banget rasanya pergi ke mana-mana hari ini. males bersosialisasi. males ketemu orang-orang palsu. cerita-cerita palsu. senyum-senyum palsu. semua dengan maksud tertentu yang palsu. semua palsu. lebih baik tinggal dirumah bersosialisasi sama anak umur 2 tahun yang baginya segalanya masih apa adanya. tidak ada yang palsu. mommy loves you arai.

manja

menyadari sesuatu terkadang bener-bener bisa bikin depressed. menyadari betapa begitu banyak keputusan-keputusan (yg sptnya kecil) yang dulu kita buat bisa mempengaruhi kehidupan kita saat ini in a big way.. dan tak terbayangkan. seandainya waktu bisa diputar kembali. seorang teman bilang dia justru ngeri membayangkannya. karena sesulit apapun hidup saat ini. anugerah-Nya amat melimpah.
hhh.. entah kenapa hari ini terasa mellow banget. bawaan rasanya sesak dan pengen nangis. homesick. diingatkan akan keberadaan orang-orang yang paling kita cintai didunia jauh disana. kapan terakhir kali menyapa mereka di pagi hari? kapan terakhir kali ketawa bersama mereka? kapan terakhir kali melihat senyuman di wajah mereka? wondering apakah mereka merasakan hal yang sama. menyesali keputusan 'sok berani' untuk pergi jauh dari rumah. terkadang disaat-saat seperti ini rasanya dingin, sepi dan sendiri banget. dan kembali merasa seperti anak kecil yang kangen mama nya. ah dasar manja.

try to remember

Try to remember the kind of September
when life was slow and oh, so mellow

Try to remember the kind of September
when grass was green and grain was yellow

Try to remember the kind of September
when you were a tender and callow fellow
Try to remember and if you remember
then follow

Try to remember when life was so tender
that no one wept except the willow

Try to remember when life was so tender that
dreams were kept beside your pillow

Try to remember when life was so tender that
love was an ember about to billow
Try to remember and if you remember
then follow

Deep in December it's nice to remember
although you know the snow will follow

Deep in December it's nice to remember
without the hurt the heart is hollow

Deep in December it's nice to remember
the fire of September that made us mellow
Deep in December our hearts should remember
and follow

my lucky star

have always walked alone
my heart is filled with such emptiness
too many excuses
it's not lonely outside
yet i couldnt find back my freedom

love had once passed me by
I like to linger in my memories
I'm used to searching for your love
just your love is enough
all this time, we were always there
in that most beautiful moment in time

your familiar tenderness
has never left me
in your heart i see
all that i possess
and you have been waiting for me too
no matter how many languanges are spoken
it still so hard to express this promise
i wont let go
i want to love you...*fearlessly...

sound of silence

Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one deared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Fools said i,you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisperd in the sounds of silence.

dimana suara itu?

...
suara dengarkanlah aku
apa kabarnya pujaan hatiku?
aku disini menunggunya
masih berharap didalam hatinya
suara dengarkanlah aku
apakah aku slalu dihatinya?
...

siang tadi dalam perjalanan pulang ke rumah. sesuatu rasanya jatuh dari langit nimpa kepalaku. semuanya terasa begitu menyakitkan. begitu asing. rumit. susah. pusing. sakit hati. kehilangan pegangan bingung menggapai2 entah sapa dan apa yang digapai. disaat itu baru sadar kita hidup didunia sendirian. ketika orang-orang yang kita cintai dan seharusnya kita kenal seumur hidup kita tiba-tiba menjadi orang yang sama sekali asing. perasaan terburuk yang pernah kurasakan seumur hidup. seorang teman menyarankan sebaiknya ambil cuti beberapa hari dan pulang ke bali. ingin sekali. sungguh. tapi tidak bisa. entah kenapa liku2 kehidupan bisa membawaku sampai disini ya. where did i take the wrong turn?

Pratiti

Browsing to www.kalenderbali.org just now and found some interesting link under "ramalan" about "personality,characters,and even ur destiny" according to your birth date. it says a lot a bout a person just from the date of birth. from ur personality and when u will die. and i will be die on pratiti widnyana. the problem is i dont really understand how to look for pratiti? any help anyone?

a dream of you

been reading "kisah klan otori" and found this japanese image at http://www.deviantart.com/

come on baby light my fire

You know that it would be untrue

You know that I would be a liar

If I was to say to you

Girl, we couldn't get much higher

Come on baby, light my fire

Come on baby, light my fire

Try to set the night on fire

The time to hesitate is through

No time to wallow in the mire

Try now we can only lose

And our love become a funeral pyre

---------

somehow i felt related to this song. been reading the recto verso by dee lately. in between my time. finishing up my thesis and all. all that i've been put behind for almost 2 years. years of stupidity. ah. no more regrets. have promised that to myself. put all others behind. all the unnecessary stuffs. all the distractions. now take a little step one by one towards the future. CAIYO! :)

save me. i am stuck and lost.

akhir2 ini rasanya kepala mau pecah. sesak. dan lelah. tidak tau musti gimana. i miss everything so much. miss the old days where everything was just fine. when we were still the best of friends. at the times when we can almost talk about anything and didnt feel alone. now i am lost. stuck and lost. alone. with no directions in mind. am just stood still. waiting. for somebody to save me. please save me.

I'm a dreamer. A distant dreamer

Although you
Think I cope
My head is filled
With hope
Of some place
Other than here

Although you
Think I smile
Inside all the while
I'm wondering
About my destiny

I'm a dreamer
A distant dreamer
Dreaming for hope
From today
...

Even when you
See me frown
My heart
Won't let me down
Because I know
There's better things
To come

And when life
Gets tough
I feel
I've had enough
I hold on to
A distant star
I'm thinking about
All the things
I'd like to do
In my life
...
I'm a dreamer.. a distant dreamer..

Birthday Girl

So today is my birthday :-) a year older..
i should feel happy
i should feel something better
then why do i feel like this..

Tersentak. begitu saja.

Tersentak. begitu saja. dan akhirnya semua mengalir. deras. kata per kata. kalimat per kalimat. akhirnya jadilah sebuah tulisan bernama ... REFARAT FETO. bwahahaha.
Tadi siang abis konkli ikut pembacaan proposalnya ka'Ila. Jadi tersadar untuk tidak berlama-lama terlena. semua melaju. semua berakselerasi dengan drips oksi bila perlu 10 ampul dan tetesan maksimal. yup. ayo semangattt!

Sayang gak bisa ngikutin sampe selesai tadi. keburu ada cito di maros. penumbungan tali pusat dan denyut udah bradikardi. dari sanggar ke maros only in 20 mins. mobil udah kayak terbang tadi di tol. syukur pas tiba langsung asepsis. anaknya ternyata gede banget. sempet biru siy, no heart beat and not breathing. but om y mantap resusitasi nya. akhirnya napas spontan walau belum stabil benar. mudah2an umur panjang itu anak. montok. kasian...

Ah balik lanjut kerja tugas2 ah. One by one. selesaikan semuanya. Ganbatte!!!

hanya pada tanggal merah saja

hihihi dueh ngikutin acara siang2 kmaren rabu. begitu banyak aturan2 baru yg muncul. sampe bingung bacanya. dan susah dimengerti. banyak sekali. cuma satu yang mudah dimengerti. HANYA LIBUR PADA TANGGAL MERAH SAJA
ya ampyun...semakin rasanya mau cepat2 selesai. but how.

I Will

Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime?
If you want me to I will

And if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same

Love you forever, and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together

Love you when we're apart

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
Oh you know I will
I will

nemu cd audiophile lama tadi di tumpukan cd2 jaman dulu - eric marienthal - tak puter, tiba2 ada lagu ini terdengar, sederhana sekali tapi jeg gimana gitu, bikin riang rasanya... hehehehe dasar orang aneh.